On Being Self-Conscious

Fear, fear, fear. Why so much fear?

I'm a high schooler at a reformed church and part of what I'd call a barely breathing youth group. We know all the answers, but we're not "on fire" for the Gospel. In Revelation 3:14-17, Christ calls out a church for being lukewarm. He calls us to be bold and passionate for Him.

So why don't we even have the courage to sing on Wednesday nights? You're in a circle of fellow believers. Sure, it might be small, but that's no excuse not to lift our voices to worship the One we call Our Lord.

Lord. Ruler. Master. You know, the One we pledge our allegiance to, above even our allegiance to the United States of America? That's kind of a big thing to say, don't you think? Yet we have trouble trusting Him in the face of our own self-consciousness.

As brothers in sisters in Christ, we shouldn't be judging each other for our musical gifts or lack there of. That's not what singing His praise is about. It's about worshiping Him as He wants us to worship Him: together, as well as on our own.

"Praise the Lord! Sing to the Lord a new song, his praise in the assembly of the godly!" (Psalm 149:1)

Fear of judgement is something I struggle with a lot. I don't volunteer to pray out loud because I'm worried I'll say something that's theologically incorrect or just plain stupid. I don't share what's going on in my life because I think someone might consider me weird. I haven't always stuck up for people who were the blunt of certain jokes because I was scared I'd become one of the jokes that were so callously thrown about by people I admired.

And yet it's ridiculous to be worried about these things when I profess to believe the things I do. God is more than enough to trust in.

In prayer, it's okay not to be good enough. None of us are good enough. It's okay to be wrong. We're all still learning; no one knows it all, and you can't learn without making mistakes. Even if everyone else snickers, God is using even your worst mistakes.

Your mistakes and your weirdness are part of who you are. Who God made you to be. He made you perfectly to fulfill the mission He has in mind for you, and you alone. So you don't have to hide your mistakes and you don't have to hide the unusual things you enjoy. Maybe someone will write you off as weird. Maybe they'll ridicule you behind your back or to your face or diagonal to your side, but if they do, you can hold fast to the promise that God knows what He's doing. And the faults people find with how you like to dance funny or collect stamps or laugh 'til your sides ache? Those are really faults with the people who are finding fault, because they're failing to appreciate how God makes us all different and uses us in different ways. Darling, sister or brother in Christ, He's the one writing your story, not the world. Don't let them shut you up. Don't go along with everything they say. Sometimes it's okay to tell them you still like Converse when they start going off about how Converse are sooo over. Guys, preferences are just preferences and quirks are just quirks. I don't know about you, but I forget that sometimes.

As for being scared to stand up for others who are being picked on for their preferences or their quirkiness, it's better to be made fun of yourself than to be in good standing with people who are doing what you know to be wrong, no matter how cool or popular they seem right now. Not saying anything is still making a statement. I mean, good natured fun is one thing, but it's another when you know what they're saying could really hurt someone.

He will give us strength when we ask for it. He won't let us be destroyed. He calls us His children.

Do you realize what that means, "He calls us His children?" We're talking the Creator and Master of the whole freakin' universe here. He who put the innumerable stars in the sky, who designs every thought that runs through every brain in every moment, who controls storms and orchestrates symphonies, He who is the biggest deal in everything that is literally anything, cares for you. He loves you. Adores you. Listens to you. Calls you part of His beloved, His church. He has a plan for you. Does that not bring you to your knees?

If we fully comprehended what that meant, how would we ever stop singing His praises? How could we ever let our self-consciousness overcome our gratitude? Why would we ever even consider hiding who He made us to be?

What reason have we to be afraid?